Dylan Moran quotes

“I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?”

"Showing off seemed to me to be a highly valuable and necessary activity when I was 20.”

“I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.”

“The careers teacher told me I had a clear choice: if I didn't end up going to university I'd end up robbing post offices.”

“It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you speak to is planning to write a book.”

“People walk past me in the street and look at me, but because they think I work in their office and they can't remember my name.”

“Don't you DARE use party as a verb in my shop”

"I'm not a fighter, I'm a bleeder."

"I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.”