Tuesday, August 31, 2010


In a blog thread I was reading where people discussed various "what if" moments of history theorising what might have turned out differently, my favourite addition to the thread was this:

Alistair Cooke in one of his Letters from America recalled the story of a commentator, I think Edgar Snow, who during an interview asked Chairman Mao what would have happened if, in 1963, Mr Khrushchev had been assassinated rather than President Kennedy. Mao, after thinking it over, replied “Of one thing only can we be certain: Mr Onassis would not have married Mrs Khrushchev.”

Monday, August 30, 2010

Great White Sharks

Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a sunken ship.

"Follow me, son." the father shark said to the son shark
and they swam to the mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip
of our fins showing."

And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few more times with all of our fins showing."

And they did.

"Now we eat everybody." And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?

His wise father replied,

"Because they taste better without the shit inside."

Friday, August 27, 2010

Poland, that's so GAY

Original at Hipster Hitler

This years top 10 Edinburgh Fringe Festival jokes

The top 10 festival funnies were judged to be:

1) Tim Vine "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

2) David Gibson "I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone."

3) Emo Philips "I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them."

4) Jack Whitehall "I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid."

5) Gary Delaney "As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog."

6) John Bishop "Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day."

7) Bo Burnham "What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names."

8) Gary Delaney "Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."

9) Robert White "For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates: Empty."

10) Gareth Richards "Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food. Or, if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…"

Cat parkour

four minutes of Ricky Gervais laughing

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Friday, August 20, 2010

led zepellin

From a series of German postcards printed in 1900 with a vision of what it would look like in 2000

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Iron Maiden's Norwegian drinks bill

20,000 Krone is about $3600 Aussie. Arguably good value for 78 pints of Guinness, 32 fat Heinekens and 27 slippery nipples. Full story in Norwegian here (HT:@Antheap)

Blokes' ideal dinner pack

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

telling politics like it is

Philippine slogan via New Statesman (probably less honesty than grammar fail on the difference between any and every, but never mind)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Monday, August 9, 2010

British holiday complaints

"I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

"It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."

"On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

"We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."

A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a water hole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".

A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff, when in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.

"The beach was too sandy."

"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."

A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."

"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."

"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home."

"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

"The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'.. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"

"There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."

"We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."

"It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

"I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."

"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

Today's news

Its the pitts

Binary Brad is one of many at I'm Dating Myself