Leno's George W Bush jokes (its just too easy)

“President Bush’s daughter Jenna Bush is engaged to be married, but no date has been set for the wedding. He’s against any kind of timetable.”

“President Bush announced he plans to help out homeowners in this mortgage-lending crisis thing that’s going on. He said millions of people could lose their house, and you know, he knows what he’s talking about. Last November he lost a house and the Senate.”

“Bush is upset, very upset that the Iraqi parliament has failed any major legislation since taking office. I guess, of course, on the other hand, it made him feel right at home.”

“Scientists in Russia have announced they will send a man to the moon by the year 2025. A defiant President Bush said today, ‘Not if we get there first!’”

Jimmy Carter called Bush and his administration the worst in history. As you know, President Bush's approval numbers have dropped as low as 28%. That's the lowest for any president since ... Jimmy Carter. So, I guess he knows what he's talking about.

It's been a rough week for President Bush. He was caught driving by reporters not wearing his seatbelt. He was down on the ranch driving around without a seatbelt on. His aide said he just refuses to buckle up. Bill Clinton had the exact same problem.

The White House announced President Bush is on the last page of the Harry Potter book. So, apparently, he's reading it backwards.

President Bush welcomed the prime minster of India to the White House today. Bush said, "While you're here, can you look at my computer for a second?"

Karl Rove was under fire again today. This time for leaking the plot of the new Harry Potter book to U.S. President Bush.

One of the big problems in Iraq right now is agreeing on a constitution. They should do what the Bush administration does: Have a constitution, but just don’t use it.

Happy Birthday to U.S. President Bush, he’s 59. If you haven’t gotten him a birthday gift yet, I know he’s still looking for an exit strategy for Iraq.

U.S. President Bush met with Palestinian president Abbas. There was one embarrassing moment when he said to Abbas, “I love your hit, Dancing Queen.”

President Bush said he was anxious to see the film though he was a little upset when he heard it was in Aramaic and Latin. Bush said "Why make a movie only Arabs and Latinos would understand?"

According to a new poll, if the election were held today both John Kerry and John Edwards would beat George Bush by double-digit margins. In fact, the White House is so worried they're thinking about moving the capture of Osama bin Laden up to next month.

President Bush is now focusing on jobs. I think the one job he's focusing most on ... his own.

Some sad news, President Bush's lap dog passed away. I didn't know Tony Blair was sick. I was shocked.

President Bush was on Meet The Press Sunday, a lot of his White House staffers thought it was a bad idea …"Hey…better than him going on Jeopardy"…Be honest…He didn't seem very well prepared…actually there was a reason he wasn't prepared, see Bush thought he was just gonna to meet the press, he didn't know there was gonna be questions….There was one kind of embarrassing moment where President Bush was asked if he was ever AWOL?" and he said "No no no I have Earthlink…we use Earthlink, can't get AOL"

The Bush administration says it will file a brief with the Supreme Court over the University of Michigan's affirmative action policy, saying it's wrong to determine acceptance based on race. Bush said acceptance should be based on fair things like what private school you went to, who's your dad, how much money you gave to the alumni fund."

"President Bush has declared Sunday to be National Sanctity of Human Life Day. He said we have to protect the weak, the imperfect and the unwanted. But first, we have to give tax cuts to the rich."

This Sunday, President Bush will be at the Daytona 500 for the start of NASCAR season. President Bush is a big fan of NASCAR. Bush says if it weren't for NASCAR, man never would have stepped foot on the moon. Finally, somebody said, "Uh, sir ... that's NASA."

A Newsweek poll said if the election were held today, John Kerry would beat Bush 49 percent to 46 percent. And today, President Bush called Newsweek magazine a threat to world peace."

Today President Bush said he was "troubled" by gay people getting married in San Francisco. He said on important issues like this, the people should make the decision, not judges - unless of course we're choosing a president, then he prefers judges

I was watching TV last night and I saw an interesting documentary on TV last night about the ninja - you know, the Japanese soldiers. According to the legend, the ninjas were warriors who could make themselves invisible whenever we fought in a war. You know, kinda like George Bush in the National Guard.

In his annual economic report to Congress President Bush said that the transfer of American jobs overseas is actually part of a positive transformation that will enrich the U.S. economy over time. So basically, losing your job to someone else can be a good thing - of course we'll see how he feels about that in November.

Happy President's Day everybody! Today of course is the day we honor our presidents. We honor Bill Clinton by having a mattress sale, and most people don't have to work today, we honor George Bush

Earlier today President Bush spent some time with National Guard troops in Louisiana. When Bush arrived, the commanding officer said, "You're a little late."

A retired Alabama National Guard commander says he remembers President Bush showing up there for duty back in the seventies. He says Bush used to come into his office and read. However, payment records released by the White House suggest that was not President Bush. Hey, the fact the guy was reading I think suggests it wasn't president bush.

Yesterday President Bush stopped off at a bass pro fishing store to pick up a fishing reel, some line and some rubber worms. He's going to disappear and go fishing. So he must think he's back in the National Guard again.

Does this bother a lot of people? Who cares if Bush did his job in the National Guard 30 years ago - I'm more frightened about the job he's doing now.

Today in the L.A. Times, one critic wrote that the problem with John Kerry is "he looks like he thinks too much." Well, you won't hear anyone accusing President Bush of that.