Saturday, July 14, 2007

The wit and wisdom of Colonel Bat Guano

From Dr Strangelove or How I Stop Worrying and Learned to Love the Bomb.

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake:
Colonel, Colonel, I must know what you think has been going on here.
Col. "Bat" Guano:
You wanna know what I think?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake:
Col. "Bat" Guano:
I think you're some kind of deviated prevert. I think general Ripper found out about your prevertion, and you were organizing some kind of mutiny of preverts. Now MOVE!!!
Colonel "Bat" Guano: You don't think I'd go into combat with loose change in my pocket, do you?

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Colonel... that Coca-Cola machine. I want you to shoot the lock off it. There may be some change in there.
Colonel "Bat" Guano: That's private property.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Colonel! Can you possibly imagine what is going to happen to you, your frame, outlook, way of life, and everything, when they learn that you have obstructed a telephone call to the President of the United States? Can you imagine? Shoot it off! Shoot! With a gun! That's what the bullets are for, you twit!
Colonel "Bat" Guano: Okay. I'm gonna get your money for ya. But if you don't get the President of the United States on that phone, you know what's gonna happen to you?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: What?
Colonel "Bat" Guano: You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola company.

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