the shallow end of the gene pool

Wrong way! Go Back!

Hackers change digital sign. However given that it happened in Texas, who's to say the warning is not valid

downsizing

From the ever wonderful First Dog on the Moon

post paper age

according to journalism.co.uk, 30 things you'll miss when newspapers disappear:

1. Material to stuff your Guy Fawkes effigy with on Bonfire Night.

2. Paper mountains at your local recycling depot.

3. Liners for your kitty litter trayers, rabbit hutches etc.

4. The joy of finding and reading other people’s paid-for newspapers on the train/underground/bus.

5. Wrapping for your fish and chips.

6. Material for your papier mâché models.

7. Getting your letterboxes jammed stuck with weekend supplements.

8. Part-time employment for your children.

9. Newsagents. And newsagents whingeing about the newstrade.

10. Ad inserts and catalogues offering 1001 pointless gadgets to solve problems you will never have.

11. The ability to buy soft porn under the not-very-convincing pretence of being interested in the daily news.

12. Cliché-ridden headlines and terrible puns.

13. Insulation when sleeping rough (although cardboard works just as well).

14. Free CDs, DVDs, posters etc that you will never listen to, view or display.

15. Material to protect the floor, soak up spilt tea etc when the builders are in.

16. Something to read when you are on the loo (doesn’t seem quite right to do that with a laptop, although mobile devices are a bit more discreet).

17. Inky, black fingers.

18. Deforestation (although it is equally possible that fewer trees might get planted in managed forests).

19. The unintelligible cry of news vendors on street corners.

20. Having free papers jammed into your stomach at the entrances to underground stations.

21. Training the dog to fetch the paper/attack the paper boy/girl/person in the mornings.

22. Large piles of free newspapers dumped in skips.

23. Skidding on sodden lumps of old newspapers left out in the rain on pavements and roads.

24. For future generations, birthday gifts of a copy of the newspaper that was published on the day they were born.

25. Something to clean the windows with.

26. The environmental impact of printing, delivering and collecting returns (and the loss of related jobs).

27. Trying to read broadsheet newspapers on crowded trains/planes/buses etc

28. The wonderful, if often unintentional, wit of A-boards outside newsagents.

29. A surveillance device for bad spies.

30. Fuel to get the kindling going in your open fire, Aga, woodburning stove, bonfire etc.

Nuke it!

have fun charting the area of devastation in your home town (or favourite enemy town) in this great Ground Zero mapplet.

finding wally

American photographer David Bergman has created an astonishing 1474 megapixel photo of the Obama presidential inauguration. You can play with it, zoom in and pan around. Great piece of work.

And here's how he made it:

"I clamped a Gigapan Imager to the railing on the north media platform about six feet from my photo position. The Gigapan is a robotic camera mount that allows me to take multiple images and stitch them together, creating a massive image file.

My final photo is made up of 220 Canon G10 images and the file is 59,783 X 24,658 pixels or 1,474 megapixels. It took more than six and a half hours for the Gigapan software to put together all of the images on my Macbook Pro and the completed TIF file is almost 2 gigabytes."

Catching catfish the good old boy way...

a demonstration of the fine redneck art of "noodlin'" or bare-handed catfish catching.

Bear Back riding

as found at The Inquisitr

Astley rickrolled

from the wonderful comics of xkcd

six word stories

for those that think that haikus are too prolix

excellent ad placement

An ad for Veet (an Australian hair removal company) in today's papers.

over there

The Onion's hilarious and in-no-way-containing-national-stereotypes world atlas

Bush repeals English language

George W Bush's last official act as president as translated by Andy Borowitz:

In what he hoped would be the capstone to his eight years as President, George W. Bush today signed an executive order repealing the English language.

Scrawling his name on the official document, Mr. Bush said that in abolishing English he had vanquished his "greaterest enemy."

For Mr. Bush, the executive order represents the realization of a longstanding dream that began in 2001 when he declared an official War on Grammar.

The President followed up that declaration of war in 2003 when he signed an executive order cancelling the agreement between nouns and verbs.

Mr. Bush's decision to repeal the English language could complicate matters for his successor, President-elect Barack Obama, who is scheduled to deliver his inaugural address tomorrow, presumably in English.

But thoughts of Mr. Obama seemed far away during today's jubilant Oval Office ceremony, which Mr. Bush summed up in four words: "I can has legacy."

Mr. Bush's executive offer also drew high praise from a fellow Republican, Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska: "Being that the English language can and has been used in confusing and also too in harming ordinary Americans, knowing that it no longer can or will be used in doing that is something positive that this is doing also."

suicide bomber bummer

There's a plane in the Hudson. I'm on the ferry going to pick up the people. Crazy

A sample of the some of the random nonsense and otherwise at Twitter gathered these last few days by ear-to-the-ground @BstTwt

@livejamie A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. I'm currently sitting at my work station10 hours ago from web

❥ @vmarinelli My littlest girl turns nine in a few weeks. I fear my days of her permitting me to call her "Pork Chop" are numbered. about 10 hours ago from web

❥ @ElizabethPW Twitter is like sex. I can tell you how great it is but until we do it together you're just not going to get it. about 10 hours ago from web

❥ @scottsimpson Don't you hate it when you walk into a room and can't remember what you're doing with your life? about 15 hours ago from web

❥ @crispycracka If there's anything you want to know just ask. Unless it's creepy. Actually- ask me anyway, so I know you're creepy. about 15 hours ago from web

❥ @Moltz The mob still holds the record for the number of bodies put into the Hudson. about 15 hours ago from web

❥ @joeschmitt Down in the basement the VCR & CD player have started a support group with the corded phone & cassette deck. about 15 hours ago from web

❥ @Remiel "48 sky puppies slaughtered by terrorist pilot" PETA reports. about 15 hours ago from web

❥ @bcompton I ran over a bird today on accident and felt really bad until I remembered about that plane crash. Then I felt RIGHTEOUS. 1:34 PM yesterday from web

❥ @twoname STILL GET FREAKED OUT WHEN THE AUSTRALIANS TWEET FROM THE FUTURE 1:21 PM yesterday from web

❥ @jkottke When does America's "WAR ON GEESE" begin? We've been attacked! 6:41 PM Jan 16th from web

❥ @badbanana Bush is so not getting his damage deposit back. 6:38 PM Jan 16th from web

❥ @Moltz Fox now reporting that the geese simply slipped on life vests and disappeared into the crowd. Wild goose chase now underway. 9:55 AM Jan 16th from web

❥ @jkrums http://twitpic.com/135xa - There's a plane in the Hudson. I'm on the ferry going to pick up the people. Crazy. 9:54 AM Jan 16th from web

❥ @strutting I think a bathroom stall talker is a damn sight better than a bathroom tall stalker, though, @paige. 9:47 AM Jan 16th from web

❥ @ detweiler About to do one of those things that seems like a good idea at the time. 9:17 AM Jan 16th from web

❥ @secretsquirrel Okay, seriously: we need a totally different internet for moms to hang out on. 7:30 AM Jan 16th from web

❥ @badbanana Thanks to Facebook, I'm back in touch with people I lost touch with over the years because I didn't want to stay in touch. 7:28 AM Jan 16th from web

❥ @lonelysandwich Changed a tire in 31 minutes flat. Beat that, average 4th grader. 7:17 AM Jan 16th from web

Oops!

found at the hilarious site Failblog

Weird Al Jazeera

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was
refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.

A spokesman for the channel said....

'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we have heard that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'

Lezzo Men

An unflattering Warren Beatty as seen at
Men who look like old lesbians...I'm sure this list could be expanded?

Maxwell House of Horror

According to new research from Durham University, heavy coffee drinkers are more likely to have hallucinations or feel "the presence of dead people".

The research found that those classified as 'High caffeine users' (slurping seven cups a day or more) were three times more likely to have heard a person's voice when there was no one there compared with 'low caffeine users' (surviving on one miserable cup of instant coffee a day).

I can hear voices now in my head saying "Put the Kettle On".

British recession claims a new victim

the curious case of life lived backwards

The Benjamin Button film reminds me of Woody Allen's quote about living life backwards:

In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people’s home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then.. Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!

new Heineken ad

Bulgarian water dance

Men performing the traditional Bulgarian "Horo" dance in the icy winter waters of the river Tundzha in the town of Kalofer, Bulgaria some 200 km east of the capital Sofia, during the Epiphany Day celebrations on 6 January, 2009.

One of a set of extraordinary seasonal photographs at www.boston.com

The world according to Dubya

George W's greatest "Bushisms".

- "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." - September 2000, explaining his energy policies at an event in Michigan.

- "Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?" - January 2000, during a campaign event in South Carolina.

- "They misunderestimated the compassion of our country. I think they misunderestimated the will and determination of the commander in chief, too." - September 26, 2001, in Langley, Virginia. Bush was referring to the terrorists who carried out the September 11 attacks.

- "There's no doubt in my mind, not one doubt in my mind, that we will fail." - October 4, 2001, in Washington. Bush was remarking on a back-to-work plan after the terrorist attacks.

- "It would be a mistake for the United States Senate to allow any kind of human cloning to come out of that chamber." - April 10, 2002, at the White House, as Bush urged Senate passage of a broad ban on cloning.

- "I want to thank the dozens of welfare-to-work stories, the actual examples of people who made the firm and solemn commitment to work hard to embetter themselves." - April 18, 2002, at the White House.

- "There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again." - September 17, 2002, in Nashville, Tennessee.

- "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." - August 5, 2004, at the signing ceremony for a defence spending bill.

- "Too many good docs are getting out of business. Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." - September 6, 2004, at a rally in Poplar Bluff, Missouri.

- "Our most abundant energy source is coal. We have enough coal to last for 250 years, yet coal also prevents an environmental challenge." - April 20, 2005, in Washington.

- "We look forward to hearing your vision, so we can more better do our job." - September 20, 2005, in Gulfport, Mississippi.

- "I can't wait to join you in the joy of welcoming neighbours back into neighbourhoods, and small businesses up and running, and cutting those ribbons that somebody is creating new jobs." - September 5, 2005, when Bush met with residents of Poplarville, Mississippi, in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.

- "It was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship. After all, 60 years we were at war 60 years ago we were at war." - June 29, 2006, at the White House, where Bush met with Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi.

- "Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough it is, sir. I talk to families who die." - December 7, 2006, in a joint appearance with British Prime Minister Tony Blair.

- "These are big achievements for this country, and the people of Bulgaria ought to be proud of the achievements that they have achieved." - June 11, 2007, in Sofia, Bulgaria.

- "Mr Prime Minister, thank you for your introduction. Thank you for being such a fine host for the OPEC summit." - September 2007, in Sydney, Australia, where Bush was attending an APEC summit.

- "Thank you, Your Holiness. Awesome speech." April 16, 2008, at a ceremony welcoming Pope Benedict XVI to the White House.

- "The fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there's jobs at the machine-making place." - May 27, 2008, in Mesa, Arizona.

- "And they have no disregard for human life." - July 15, 2008, at the White House. Bush was referring to enemy fighters in Afghanistan.

- "I remember meeting a mother of a child who was abducted by the North Koreans right here in the Oval Office." - June 26, 2008, during a Rose Garden news briefing.

- "Throughout our history, the words of the Declaration have inspired immigrants from around the world to set sail to our shores. These immigrants have helped transform 13 small colonies into a great and growing nation of more than 300 people." - July 4, 2008 in Virginia.

- "The people in Louisiana must know that all across our country there's a lot of prayer - prayer for those whose lives have been turned upside down. And I'm one of them. It's good to come down here." - September 3, 2008, at an emergency operations centre in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, after Hurricane Gustav hit the Gulf Coast.

- "This thaw - took a while to thaw, it's going to take a while to unthaw." October 20, 2008, in Alexandria, Louisiana, as he discussed the economy and frozen credit markets.

How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

* 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
* 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
* 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
* 1 to move it to the Lighting section
* 2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
* 7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
* 5 to flame the spell checkers
* 3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
* 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
* 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
* 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
* 19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
* 11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
* 36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
* 7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
* 4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
* 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
* 13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
* 5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
* 4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
* 13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
* 1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

the whopping scent of seduction

According to the BBC, Burger King is marketing a men's fragrance with the scent of meat.

Called Flame, the company says the spray is "the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat".

The scent is on sale in New York for $3.99 (£2.65)

On the online site promoting the scent, the Burger King character is also seen reclining almost naked in front of a log fire with whipped cream.

Genesis Facebook

for the man who has everything

what better present than a Trouser expander and Willy Care Kit

School bans the word school

This story is probably a complete load of cobblers as it was reported in The Sun, that British bastion of great journalism. Nonetheless it is amusing.

'Watercliffe Meadow is known as a “Place for Learning” because staff say “school” has a negative impact on some mums and dads.'

Yatta Boy!

amusing, or totally stupid (depending on your view) clip of fig-leaf wearing Japanese boy band. A piss take, apparently.

old joke

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other
for a long time. Urged on by their friends,they decided it was finally time
to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation
regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living
arrangements, and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of
their physical relationship. 'How do you feel about sex?' he asked,
rather tentatively.

'I would like it infrequently' she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment,adjusted his glasses and leaned
over towards her and whispered 'Is that one word or two?'