Schrödinger's cat limericks

These limerick tell the brief story about scientiest Erwin Schrödinger's thought experiment to explain a tricky conceptual problem in quantum mechanics. In it, poor old Schrödinger's cat meets with a half an unhappy end.

Schrödinger, you should not have done that
That "playing God" with a cat,
Which, by the way, mister
Belonged to your sister
The next time please make it a rat.

Said Schrödinger "poison is nifty
To dispose of this cat, God is thrifty
We can't tell if it died
Till we all peer inside
And the odds are at just that, 50/50."

The cat in the box still has growth
Or it's dead, and infested with sloth
One should not get unnerved
Till the cat is observed
It's a superposition of both.

So that is the way that you tell it
Leave a cat in a box with a pellet
Should the trigger let go
The poison will flow
And you'll know the cat's dead when you smell it.

Said Schrödinger, "let Physics advance
Though it might be kitty's last dance
When we open the box
Be prepared for some shocks
But there's only a 50% chance."

Said Schrödinger," isn't this fun"
Shot a cat in a box with a gun
I'll be sure it survives
'Cause the cat has nine lives
And I'll only be using just one."

car hitches a ride on the London Eye

Publicity stunt for the launch of the new Fiat 500. Pic courtesy of the Cool Hunter

new Australian vernacular

billabonk: to make passionate love beside a waterhole

bludgie: a partner who doesn't work but is kept as a pet.

dodgeridoo: a fake indigenous artefact.

fair drinkum: good quality Aussie wine.

flatypus: a cat which has been run over by a vehicle.

shagman: an unemployed male roaming the Australian bush in search of sexual activity.

yabble: the unintelligible language of Australian freshwater crustaceans.

bushwanker: a pretentious drongo who reckons he's above average when it comes to handling himself in the scrub.

shornbag: a particularly attractive naked sheep.

technicolour lawn: the front yard after a rave party.

Albert Einstein jokes and quotes

Einstein and his students: In the period that Einstein was active as a professor, one of his students came to him and said: "The questions of this year's exam are the same as last years!" "True," Einstein said, "but this year all answers are different."

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Einstein and his driver:
The story is that Albert Einstein's driver used to sit at the back of the hall during each of his lectures, and after a period of time, remarked to AE that he could probably give the lecture himself, having heard it several times. So at the next stop on the tour, AE & the driver switched places, with AE sitting at the back, in driver's uniform. The driver gave the lecture, flawlessly. At the end, a member of the audience asked a detailed question about some of the subject matter, upon which the lecturer replied, 'well, the answer to that question is quite simple, I bet that my driver, sitting up at the back, there, could answer it...'.

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Q: How many Einsteins does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: That depends on the speed of the changer, and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. Then it just might be easier to leave the bulb alone and change the room. It's all relative.

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Q: Why did Albert Einstein cross the street?
A: To get away from Niels Bohr. But when he got to the other side Bohr was there also.

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Einstein in Heaven:
Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. "I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it's the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others." he is told by the doorman named Pete. Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So Pete leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. "See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!" "Why that's wonderful!" Says Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!" "And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!" "Why that's wonderful!" Says Albert. "We can discuss physics!" "And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!" "That Wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theatre!" Just then another man moves out to capture Albert's hand and shake it. "I'm your last room mate and I'm sorry, but my IQ is only 80." Albert smiles back at him and says, "So, where to you think interest rates are headed?"

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Einstein quotes:

The wireless telegraph is not difficult to understand. The ordinary telegraph is like a very long cat. You pull the tail in New York, and it meows in Los Angeles. The wireless is the same, only without the cat.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age 18.

You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

If I had my life to live over again, I'd be a plumber.

pleasing the customer

The widow takes a look at her dear departed one right before the funeral and, to her horror, finds that he's in his brown suit. She'd specifically said to the undertaker that she wanted him buried in his blue suit; she'd brought it especially for that occasion, and she was distressed that the mortician had left him in the same brown suit he'd been wearing when the lightning bolt hit him.

She demanded that the corpse be changed into the blue suit she'd brought especially for that purpose. The undertaker said, "But madam! It's only a minute or two until the funeral is scheduled to begin! We can't possibly take him out and get him changed in that amount of time.

The lady said, "Who's paying for this?" Seeing the logic to this argument, a very reluctant mortician wheeled the coffin out, but then wheeled it right back in a moment later. Miraculously, the corpse was in a blue suit.

After the ceremony, a well-satisfied widow complimented the undertaker on the smooth and speedy service. She especially wanted to know how he'd been able to get her husband into a blue suit so fast.

The funeral director said, "Oh, it was easy. It happens that there was another body in the back room and he was already dressed in a blue suit. All we had to do was switch heads!

Most T-Shirts Evah!

British guy breaks the world record for most t-shirts worn (whaddya mean you didn't know there was one?)...224 to be exact

football falling down