Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Inconsideration
The neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am?! Lucky for him I was still up playing the bagpipes.
Monday, March 28, 2011
irish yoke
An Irishman went for a job as a blacksmith. Was asked if he had experience shoeing horses. He said no but he once told a donkey to fuck off.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
biscuits
A banker, a Daily Mail reader and an income support claimant sit round a table. There are 12 biscuits on a plate. The banker takes 11 and tells the Daily Mail reader, "You want to be careful, that scrounger's after your biscuit."
Friday, March 11, 2011
Larry Gogan's Just a Minute quiz answers
Larry Gogan is an Irish DJ who is only slightly older than Noah. His most famous radio segment is a "Just a Minute" quiz where contestants on the phone race the clock to answer as many questions they can in 60 seconds. Here are some actual answers over the years.
Something a blind man might use? A Sword
A Song with the word Moon in the title? Blue Suede Moon
Name the Capital of France? F
Name a bird with a long Neck? Naomi Campbell
Name an occupation where you might need a torch? A burglar
Where is the Taj Mahal? Opposite the Dental Hospital
What is Hitlers first name? Heil
As happy as.... (Larry gave a hint - think of my name) A pig in shit
Some famous brothers? Bonnie and Clyde.
A dangerous race? The Arabs
Something that floats in a bath? Water
An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? A horse
Something you wear on a beach? A deckchair
A famous Royal? Mail
Something that flies that doesn't have an engine? A bicycle with wings
A famous bridge? The Bridge Over Troubled Waters
Something a cat does? Goes to the Toilet
Something you do in the bathroom? Decorate
A method of securing your home? Put the kettle on
Something associated with pigs? The Police
A sign of the Zodiac? April
Something people might be allergic to? Skiing
Something you do before you go to bed? Sleep
Something you put on walls? A roof
Something Slippery? A conman
A kind of ache? A fillet of fish
A Jacket Potato topping? Jam
A food that can be brown or white? A potato
A famous Scotsman? Jock
A famous Scotsman? Vinnie Jones
Something you open other than a door? Your bowels
A mint named after a Grand Prix Commentator? ( Larry's Hint: you suck them) Dickie Davis
Something a blind man might use? A Sword
A Song with the word Moon in the title? Blue Suede Moon
Name the Capital of France? F
Name a bird with a long Neck? Naomi Campbell
Name an occupation where you might need a torch? A burglar
Where is the Taj Mahal? Opposite the Dental Hospital
What is Hitlers first name? Heil
As happy as.... (Larry gave a hint - think of my name) A pig in shit
Some famous brothers? Bonnie and Clyde.
A dangerous race? The Arabs
Something that floats in a bath? Water
An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? A horse
Something you wear on a beach? A deckchair
A famous Royal? Mail
Something that flies that doesn't have an engine? A bicycle with wings
A famous bridge? The Bridge Over Troubled Waters
Something a cat does? Goes to the Toilet
Something you do in the bathroom? Decorate
A method of securing your home? Put the kettle on
Something associated with pigs? The Police
A sign of the Zodiac? April
Something people might be allergic to? Skiing
Something you do before you go to bed? Sleep
Something you put on walls? A roof
Something Slippery? A conman
A kind of ache? A fillet of fish
A Jacket Potato topping? Jam
A food that can be brown or white? A potato
A famous Scotsman? Jock
A famous Scotsman? Vinnie Jones
Something you open other than a door? Your bowels
A mint named after a Grand Prix Commentator? ( Larry's Hint: you suck them) Dickie Davis
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Prostate Exam...Thai Style.
After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on the National Health Service, an Englishman decided to have his next test carried out while visiting in Thailand where the beautiful nurses are rather more gentle and accommodating.
As usual he was asked to strip off, he lay naked on his side on the bed and the nurse began the examination.
"At this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection" said the nurse.
"I haven't got an erection" said the man.
"No, but I have" replied the nurse.
As usual he was asked to strip off, he lay naked on his side on the bed and the nurse began the examination.
"At this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection" said the nurse.
"I haven't got an erection" said the man.
"No, but I have" replied the nurse.
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