bannockburn

A golfer is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn on the famous golf course at St Andrews.

Suddenly, a groundskeeper shouts:
'Dinnae drink tha waater! Et's foo ae coo's shite an pish!'

The golfer replies:
'Excuse me, my good fellow, I'm from England. Could you repeat that for me, in English, please!?'

The keeper replies:

'I said, use two hands - you'll spill less that way!