pirate problems

A pirate was talking to a land-lubber in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate,

"How did you lose your leg?" The pirate responded,

"I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!" His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked,

"What about your hand. Did you lose it at the same time?"

"No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys." Finally, the land-lubber asked,

"I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you lose your eye? The pirate answered,

"I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye." The land-lubber asked,

"How could a little seagull crap make you lose your eye?" The pirate snapped,

"It was the day after I got me hook!"