An Alsation went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: "There are only nine words here. You could send another "Woof" for the same price."
"But," the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all."
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
middle ground
Three economists went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first economist fired, but missed, by a metre to the left. The second economist fired, but also missed, by a metre to the right. The third economist didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"
Monday, April 28, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Dylan Moran quotes
“I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?”
"Showing off seemed to me to be a highly valuable and necessary activity when I was 20.”
“I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.”
“The careers teacher told me I had a clear choice: if I didn't end up going to university I'd end up robbing post offices.”
“It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you speak to is planning to write a book.”
“People walk past me in the street and look at me, but because they think I work in their office and they can't remember my name.”
“Don't you DARE use party as a verb in my shop”
"I'm not a fighter, I'm a bleeder."
"I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.”
"Showing off seemed to me to be a highly valuable and necessary activity when I was 20.”
“I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.”
“The careers teacher told me I had a clear choice: if I didn't end up going to university I'd end up robbing post offices.”
“It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you speak to is planning to write a book.”
“People walk past me in the street and look at me, but because they think I work in their office and they can't remember my name.”
“Don't you DARE use party as a verb in my shop”
"I'm not a fighter, I'm a bleeder."
"I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.”
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
high roller
A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan.
The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.
Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41.
The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"
The business man replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?"
The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.
Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41.
The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"
The business man replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?"
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
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